Bloating Wifey
You're no prize, you realize that, right? You're lucky that any woman hated herself enough to marry your dumb ass. But when you look at her I know how sad you are with all the weight she gained after your vows. She'll never be Me, no matter how hard you wish it. So for a number of reasons which I will detail for you- I'm ordering you to fatten her up like a Thanksgiving turkey. She's already unappealing and once you've followed My orders she's going to be a BIGGER ball of disgusting.
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