Excuses & Regrets
I used to work so hard to be fit. I have fat people in my family, and I knew that their weight was a daily struggle. I knew how easy it would be for me to end up the same way, if I failed to maintain my fitness.
Now, I've gained more weight than I ever imagined. Stairs leave me winded. Clothes don't fit. I can't shave or tie my shoes without struggling. I snore so loud, my feeder has to rest on the couch. I tell myself I'll get back to the gym. I'll skip the cookie. I'll settle for a salad. But I always give in. I can starve myself for weeks and drop a couple pounds. But then I'll gain them back in just a few days of reckless eating.
My feeder hears every promise- every excuse. He used to push me to make better choices. Now, he's more passive. I was the one who told him I wanted to indulge. Now, I'm so far past what I'm comfortable with. Now, I'm sitting here with my hanging belly, my hanging tits. And the most perverse part is that he still looks at me like he's proud. And turned on.
I keep saying tomorrow will be different. And I mean it every time. And then tomorrow comes, and I eat so much that I try to hide it from the same person who introduced me to this fetish in the first place. Because we both know it's gotten out of hand.