
Beard Humiliation
Come here. Let me look at that thing on your chin… because it certainly isn't a proper beard.
I inspect your scraggly, patchy attempt at facial hair and tell you exactly what I see: bald patches, wispy tufts, and hairs that gave up halfway through growing.
I deliver slow, sensual verbal humiliation as I compare your patch to the thick, full beards of real men - Vikings who earned every strand - while you sit there stroking your sad chin fuzz and pretending it's a beard.
Watch me try not to laugh, tap the screen over your bare spots, and make you say out loud that this is the best your face will ever do.
Pathetic beard. Pathetic man. At least you match. Now go moisturise your little patch!!
