Casual and intense chainsmoking
It's one in the morning, and this is the fourth pack I’ve opened . There are days when I just want to relax and smoke like I am, without thinking about how my video should be. So I was going to smoke just one cigarette before getting ready for bed. A short one. But when I finished it, the filter wasn't as dark as I wanted. It still wasn't enough. I lit another one, out of defiance. My lungs kept responding, calm, open. And when the body still accepts, I feel like I can go a little further. So I lit another one.
I have different ways of smoking. Sometimes I'm slow, I play with the smoke, I watch it go.
Other nights, like tonight, I don't want any finesse.
I want to feel the smoke hit my lungs, fill me without pause, puff after puff, until my body starts to complain.
It's not chaos.
It's a form of calm.
When the filter darkens and my chest fills,
something settles.
And I keep going.
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