Crying- tears, facial expressions and mucus!
I'm pretending to cry, but I want to do it so well that it seems completely real. I'm not sad or anything happened to me; I just like the feeling of playing that role and seeing myself completely vulnerable for a few minutes.
I start by putting on a serious expression, I look down a little and let my face change slowly. I breathe in a choppy way and begin to make small crying sounds, exaggerating them little by little. The grace is precisely in acting it: I know perfectly well that I'm pretending, but I want to get completely into the character.
I run my hands over my face as if trying to dry my tears and continue with the performance. I look away, lower my head again and let the expression on my face convey a huge sadness, although inside I know perfectly that everything is part of the game.
The most fun thing is to keep the performance for a long time without breaking the character. Every gesture, every pause and every breath are part of the scene. Even when I'm about to laugh because I know I'm pretending, I try to keep the expression serious and continue.
There is something particularly curious about observing me like this: a person who is apparently devastated, with watery eyes and a face covered in tears, while in reality I am perfectly fine and I know that everything is a performance.
And that's exactly where the fetish is: in representing that vulnerability in an exaggerated and conscious way, enjoying the aesthetics of crying and turning something that would normally be sad into a completely controlled and voluntary scene.
So I keep pretending.
I keep crying.
I keep making it seem real.
And the longer I keep the character, the more absurd and fun the situation becomes, because only I know that behind that face full of tears there is someone who is perfectly well and who is enjoying the performance.
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