Halloween Party Wedgie
It's the party of the year, and everyone who matters is here. Wolfgang and I run the room the way we run everything: completely untouchable. Then the door creaks open and in you stumble. Some loser nobody invited, wearing the saddest costume in the building, hovering near the snacks like we won't notice. We notice. I spot first, we lock eyes, and I swear the whole room gets funnier in that exact second.
We circle you slow. Ask who he came with. Who do you think you are? You stammer, mumble something about just wanting to hang out, and that's all the invitation we need. Wolfgang grabs the back of your costume while I grip the front, and we hoist you straight up onto your tiptoes by your underwear. Full stretch. Toes barely skimming the floor. The party howls behind us as we bounce you between us like the world's saddest piñata, and you just take it, because what else are you going to do?
It only gets meaner from there. I yank your waistband up over the back of your head while Wolfgang holds your arms, and we leave you waddling around the living room, half in your costume, half in your underwear, begging us to let you stay.
Watch as two merciless party hosts put a crashing nobody exactly where you belong: suspended by your own underwear, emptied out, and grateful for it.
Featuring Wolfgang White