Blue Balls For Life
You have never successfully had sex with a woman, but you're not a virgin. You're a premature ejaculator, which is worse than a virgin in my not-so-humble opinion. You can't even make one good thrust before you cum. What the hell is wrong with you? This is a problem that young people have, not grown men. Yes, you are pathetic, but in the most hilarious way possible. If your friends ever found out about your little problem, you would never hear the end of it. Hopefully they don't hear any of the rumors. That would be so humiliating! The only proper punishment for you is blue balls. It's what you deserve and it's what you're going to get for the rest of your worthless life. No stroking. Just aching... FOREVER.
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