00180 # topless nicotine tears caused by multismoke dangle
I stand before you, mirror! You never lie. I look at you and admire you. You know how to bring beauty and color. Today, though, I want to look beyond. Today I want to see the soul—my soul. In the silence of my reflection, that deep, persuasive, and somber gaze slowly emerges. That’s me. And I see no lies. Only truth. And now I’ll tell you without shame: “I live to smoke; I need nicotine; these are my eyes; I like having a cigarette in my mouth; I smoke at least 40 cigarettes a day.” And God only knows when it’s more than 40! But today, standing before you, I pull two out at once—two Marlboro Reds. I gently press them against my lips. They’re soft, fragrant. I light them both at once and smoke them like this, savoring them slowly, hanging from my fiery-red flesh! Mirror, look my art! Do you read my face? Do you read my body? I bare myself before you: look at my skin, my shoulders, my lips, my eyes, my breasts, my nails, my nipples, the rose tattooed on my chest. I’m always naked with you. I can’t lie to you. Only you know how much harm I do to myself with every cigarette I light, one after another, every inhalation I take, every breath I draw. I grew up with you. I’ve spent more than two-thirds of my life smoking in front of you, and I’ll never stop! You know how much I love it. I can never get enough. Now I light a third cigarette and smoke it all the way down, well past the filter. You are my mirror. Your icy eyes stare into mine. But I am not glass. My eyes burn. They are tears of pleasure. They are rivulets of fiery lava that flow down my face and streak inside me, into the beating heart between my twisted breasts. Your glassy gaze stares at me intently, without ever passing judgment. Drops of smoke on my face. I respect you! You are the ice of light that illuminates me. Look at my tar-stained scars. Look into my eyes. They’re pools of oil now. Still salty dew on my gasping face; still black cuts furrowing my cheeks. I massage my breasts and wonder if you like this... Won’t you answer? Mirror of my desires, “I am burning,” inside and out. I revel in this! Am I crazy? You’ll never say so! I love you, I love myself, I love you.
Film by Roxana Marlb Productions (length: 15'33" - aspect and pixel ratio: 9/16; 1080x1920)
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