Lift & Carry Humiliation
If you're gonna be my festival furniture, you need to prove you can handle the job!
I put Wolfgang through his paces, ordering him to squat, lift, and carry me on his shoulders while I critique his form, his stamina, and his worthiness. He stumbles, I laugh. He holds steady, I push harder. I remind him the entire time that his only purpose this weekend is to keep my perfect body elevated so my feet never have to touch filthy festival ground. I test him every way I can; bouncing on his shoulders, leaning back just to make him work for it, making him do squats with me on top while I count reps and insult his effort. He's sweating, shaking, and I'm just sitting up there scrolling my phone, completely unbothered, using his head as an armrest. By the end, he's gasping and I'm still not satisfied. I tell him if he drops me even once this weekend, I'm finding a replacement, and he'll be crawling behind us in the dirt while someone stronger gets the honor. He better train harder because while I may be light, the festival is three days long!
Featuring Wolfgang White
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